I wanted to dedicate this post to all my 30 something brothers who are successful in life, but have fallen in love with themselves, actively rejecting all the wonderful ladies surrounding them. Still single, ready to mingle and party like they are 21.

Single moms. Next time when I drink something fancy, I would like to make a toast for all the single moms out there. I think they are absolutely amazing. Raising a child alone in addition to all the mandatory life tasks such as working a full time job, taking care of your parents, not missing out on social life and partying quite a few times a month simply seems an impossible mission for a single person. I am absolutely sure that I do not and will not possess that capability today or in the future.

As much as I respect and adore them, I find it sad that the fact there are already so many single moms in my social circle. Marriage is a responsibility and a commitment. No child deserves to grow up in a broken family.  But yet, it seems to be such a common practice in Mongolia.

So I wanted to share these 3 easy steps to prevent this specific “situation”.

1. Contraceptives
2. Salt-water solutions
3. Abstinence

…..
….
…

Ahem. The three easy steps was a joke. Of course.

But finding the right person for you is not.

Some of my friends call me a serial monogamist. I am not going to lie. I am. I have been vilified for the fact that I spent my past four birthdays with four different people. Even my father jokes about it. But, is it really considered a crime against humanity? I hope not. We are all explorers by nature. After all, the journey of finding the right person is exhausting, nerve wrecking, heart breaking and time consuming. Except for the lucky few - I salute you. For the rest, it is a game of hide and seek. It is prisoner’s dilemma. It’s jumanji.

The bottom line is that you keep on looking for the right person until you find one. When I first signed up for this journey, I never wanted to hurt someone or to be hurt myself. But it happens nevertheless, one way or another. I have seen lovers turn into enemies. I have seen strong men cry in bathrooms. I have seen people fall down on their knees. I have seen friends being lost in life without barely any hope. I have seen guys drink excessive amounts. I have seen girls eat tons of ice cream and cake. In the end, whatever may have happened, we all get up, walk forward and keep on looking for the right person. Again. And again.

I wouldn't necessarily call myself lucky, but I have been through enough to be a poor man’s hitch. And I think there is a formula for identifying your perfect match and sticking with him/her. While the formula is not guaranteed, my findings are unisex (but I am a guy).

1. Appearance, not really
The concept of beauty differs from people to people. There is no predefined concept of beauty. (Even though guys tend to have a uniform view on ‘hotness’. Don’t worry girls, smart guys don’t marry the hot ones. We leave it to the assholes. To learn more, read the Wikipedia article on Natural Selection) One can find beauty in virtually everything. Beauty is timeless if you know what you are looking for.

2. Trust, a must
Trust seems to play a significant role in building a stable relationship, maintaining happy family and staying away from a miserable life. I am not against a healthy dose of jealousy, but too much can make one’s life a burning hell. Goes both ways. People got to be smart, learn to trust and be patient. If trust is broken, try to fix it – do not act on impulse or personal ego. In the end, it will be worth it. Especially if you have offspring.

3. Perfection? Are you 16?
One need to accept the fact that no one is perfect. Forget about the fairy tales that you have been brainwashed growing up. I repeat, no one is fucking perfect. We need to learn to accept the little wrongdoings and imperfections. It is what makes us unique… and a human... and lovable.

3. Mutual respect, YO
Yo, you gotta respect, yo. You got to respect your significant other. It includes respecting his/her past, present and future. It includes respecting his/her familia; mother, father, sibling(s), the annoying cousin or that distant relative who doesn’t shower. You must respect each other’s dream. And friends, of course. You can either disagree, argue, complain, not be a big fan of, be offended or PMSing, but you gotta be always respectful, yo. Respect everything. If you can’t you ain’t perfect for each other. But again, do not abuse this term – respect.

4. Intellectual curiosity (IC)
I talk a lot about this to my friends. In case if you are wondering what intellectual curiosity means, it is a combination of the following: intelligent + curious. Sadly, this is not applicable to a lot of people and at times people lack either or both. It should be like the basic requirement to be human. I think beautiful people attract beautiful people. Same goes for the intellectually curious ones. If you do not consider yourself IC or cannot find one, please refer back to the article on Natural Selection. For my case, I have proven this theory on myself over and over again. I need a person who share the same intellectual curiosity – a person whom I can talk for hours and still realize there are so much more we can talk about and learn from each other. A person who understands my deeply dark humor.

5. Do you see “us” in 10 year?
Do you? If yes please keep on doing what you are doing. If not, don’t waste each other’s time. Reset. Be honest. Be straightforward. People aren’t getting any younger. Guys, you got to understand that.

6. Sexual compatibility
This side of the story got to work as well. You don’t want to catch your significant other watching redtube. (Like you can access it from Mongolia). After all, we humans are only one of the three species that have sex for pleasure along with the dolphins and pygmy chimpanzees. Sexual incompatibility is a recipe for failure.

7. Weird little world
We humans are weird. We all live in our weird little world and it is beautiful. Be part of each other’s weird little worlds. Sometimes let the other person sink in their own weird little world. Give each other some personal time. Build a bigger weird little world together.

8. Falling in love with the character
You got to fall in love. A case proven especially for guys. You don’t have the spark, you don’t progress further. Your brain can be telling you that he/she is the perfect person for you, but if your heart doesn't agree, it will be difficult. I am telling you, it is about coming to a consensus and striking the delicate balance between your brain and your heart.

PS: This might function a bit differently for different genders.

Ok. Now is important. To avoid restarting the loop of searching, you got to fall in love with the character. Character is what defines us as individuals and it is the one thing that changes the least. Fall in love with the the real person and "You are in good hands". (Please understand that I am not promoting All State.) Not the eyes, not the smile, not the cars or definitely not the parents, but yes the character.

Find the right person. Suffer for the ones who are worth to you. Be friends, not partners.

So, tonight, I drink for “No more single moms and heartbroken kids”. Hope everyone finds their perfect matches.